Wow. There has been a LOT of pain this year. A lot of us finding ourselves in situations of overwhelm and self-judgment. I see it on Facebook daily, don’t you? Especially with the latest news about Harvey Weinstein and the #MeToo campaign. So much suffering, second-guessing, feelings of insecurity, unworthiness and not-enoughness. Lord almighty, how did we get here? But most importantly, how do we get OUT of this dark place?
I’ve been here too – at many points in my life. To name a few, there’s:
- A misstep in my career years ago where I went from one frying pan into another fire – one that took me far from my North Star path and led me to such anxiety I could barely move from the couch.
- The turbulent and painful relationship with my daughter (the one I adore more than anything in this world) when she was a teenager. She was dealing with a wrongly diagnosed – and therefore wrongly treated – illness which made her suicidal for a year and also resentful of my level of involvement in her life at a time when her task was to separate from me.
- Dealing with the deaths of both my parents within a 4 month period, as well as both of my beloved dogs, while trying to keep a career on track when I was feeling so – to understate it – tired.
- Starting my new business and having HUGE feelings of insecurity and “not good enough” attacks; ones of what I called “compare and despair” where I compared my progress as an entrepreneur to others who seemed to be progressing so much faster and knowing so much more than me.
- Finding out my husband had chosen to hide a relationship he was having with another woman for 9 months, telling me while out to dinner early this past January. While he said there had not been a sexual relationship, they had kissed and – even more painfully – they shared a personal connection he kept hidden from me. I learned he did this because he was resentful of the way I was changing, and he didn’t feel he could talk with me about our finances (which were stressful to him). There has been a lot of looking at my part in our relationship and owning what was my part in creating the void.
- Finding I had breast cancer this past March at the same time I was trying to determine what to do about my marriage. I had to have two surgeries before they determined they had gotten all the cancer.
During each of these times, when I felt overwhelmed, I worked to find a space where I could calm myself. Like clients and friends who were experiencing similar traumas, I was sobbing and at times an inconsolable mess. I couldn’t get out of bed and couldn’t stop shaking from the anxiety. I needed to be able to calm myself so that I could use the tools I’d been taught by Martha Beck and Brené Brown to sort out what was going on; more importantly, to be able to get up again.
The RAIN Meditation
Then I found the “RAIN meditation” shared by mindfulness guru, Tara Brach.
The acronym RAIN was first coined about 20 years ago by meditation teacher Michele McDonald, as an easy to remember, insight/vipassana meditation technique.
The acronym stood for:
Recognize what is going on.
Allow and accept the experience to be there, just as it is. It is ok, you don’t have to like it.
Investigate calmly and with kindness the thoughts and emotions that are present and the stories you might be telling yourself.
Non-Identification or not identifying with the experience.
Tara Brach eventually changed the N to be “Nurture with Compassion” which really resonates with me in my coaching practice. So many women I work with are tougher than their worst possible critic. Many have even initially resisted the idea of practicing self-compassion, believing that the judgments they heap on themselves are deserved for some reason.
“The RAIN technique is a way to bring buried emotions, sensations and thoughts to the light of our awareness, in a place of safety and compassion to de-condition the suffering of being at war with ourselves.” – Tara Brach
When several of my clients were struggling with anxiety that was severely impairing their mojo this fall, I recorded myself leading the meditation to make it easier for them to utilize the tool. Because I believe so much in it’s efficacy, I am now sharing this audio with you now (my gift to you).
You can use it to simply calm yourself when you are feeling stressed or to help you begin to understand bigger truths that need to be examined. Whatever the reason, remember to treat yourself as kindly and with as much compassion and generosity as you would your best friend. You ARE worth it.
RAIN Method:
Here for you!
Ann
